(Haha, tagal ko na palang nasulat to. Wala lang, dating blog entry, share ko lang. Kaadikan.)

Ang pag-ibig, parang tong-its.

Kahit sino, pedeng maglaro. Anumang edad ka matuto, ok lang. Merong nene pa lang, marunong na. Merong gurang, saka lang nag-umpisa. Bata o matanda, basta game ka, join ka.

Ok na makinood ka lang. Mamburaot ng talo, makitawa, mag-enjoy. Pero dahil nga masaya, exciting manood. Kaya maku-curious ka. O, paano yun? Bat ansaya nila? Tapos maiinggit. Sana ako rin! Sila hapi, ikaw, feeling hapi lang. Kaya ikaw, join naman.

Siempre, pag pers taym mo, tanga ka. Mahirap manalo. Kahit nga yung experienced na, nabobo. Madali nga matutunan, pero ang hirap naman gumaling. Maraming players, maraming style of playing. Me katulad kang tangang virgin. Mero ding nag-quit pero bumalik din. Merong palaro-laro lang, merong nangangarir.

Minsan, kahit ibinigay mo na ang lahat, olats pa rin. Naubos ang oras, pagod, pati barya sa bulsa mo. Pero ano nangyari sa iyo? Ayun, luhaan. Kung wala kang balat sa puwet, pedeng jackpot ka agad wala pang tatlong minuto. Swertehan lang talaga.

Sabi nga, sanayan lang yan. Merong wais, ginagamit ay Surf, ginagamit ang utak. Pero yung iba, puro puso pinapairal. Yung iba nga e, puson lang. Arousingly exciting daw kasi ito. Tawag ng isip, damdamin o laman, ano bang trip mo?

Sa tong-its, maraming diskarte. Kung gusto mo e straight, anytime pwede. Pero kung trip mo e same cards, pede rin. Girl, boy, bakla, tomboy, butiki, baboy. Lahat welkam. Meron kung maglaro e, hintay lang muna bago mag-baba. Ingat lang dahil pwede kang masapawan ng iba. Pero siempre, kapag sinuwerte, grand fashion ang panalo mo. Pwede ka nang sumayaw ng hubo sa kalye sa saya. Rule nga ng buhay, matamis ang bunga ng paghihintay.

Kadalasan, sa larong ito, e go right ang ikot. Pero yung iba, talagang pasaway, ayaw sumunod. Pero kahit anong direksyon pa yan, pag turn mo na, dalawa lang pede mong gawin: kain o bunot. Ang bunot, parang problema. Minsan, sunod-sunod na swanget ang baraha. Tambak na sa kamay mo. Pero sabi ni Nanay, tiis lang muna. Pag kain naman, ibig sabihin, swerte ka. Kaya damubs na agad. Ang pagkakataon, sunggaban mo na.

Pero kahit kain o bunot ka pa, di pwedeng di ka mag-tapon sa huli. Ika nga e, dapat me sakripisyo. Isa pa, sinong tanga ang magkukulekta ng baraha? Kaya kahit sa tapon, diskarte pa rin. Iiwanan ko na ba tong Queen? Parang mas gusto ko kasi si Jack o King…

Pede ito kahit saan. Yung mga pinagbawalan ni ermats, parang kriminal na patago. Pwede itong laruin sa bahay nyo, sa opis o sa iskwela. Kahit nga sa kanto, solb na. Merong mga di makapag-pigil at balahura, sa publiko ginagawa.

Kahit sino pede mong makalaban. Pinoy o forendyer. Pede mong kalaro kapuso o kapamilya. Pero iba ang feeling kapag kalaro mo e di mo kilala. Doing it with strangers ba. Getting to know you pa kayo matapos ang ilang rounds. Pero sabi ng iba, mas masarap daw pag kaibigan ang makakasama. May pinagsamahan na kasi. Kaya humarap o tumalikod o kahit ibaliktad, makakasiguro ka.

Dahil kahit sino pede rito, iba’t ibang nilalang ang makaka-engkwentro mo. Merong kasing-gwapo ni Oscar dela Hoya. Merong mukhang binugbog ni dela Hoya. Merong mukhang model ng shampoo. Meron namang mukhang balakubak. Kung jackpot ka, kalaro mo galante. Kung mamalasin, bagsak mo sa barat na amoy lumang pera. Merong swabe at presko. Merong cool, merong sobrang hot with matching auto. May mahiyain, may agresibo. May gentleman sa ugali at porma, may mas manyak pa sa kunehong may regla.

Sa playing style, merong matapang, walang takot, sige lang nang sige. Hayop sa bigtaym kung tumaya si Pare. Kaya pag nanalo, malaki. Pero pag talo, yun lang, araykupomommy. Nakakagana kalaro ganitong tao. Wala kasing pautot na ano. Exciting, go lang nang go.

Siempre meron ding pakipot ang drama. Gunaw na ang mundo e ayaw pa ring magbaba ng baraha. O di kaya yung playing-safe at segurista. Pinag-aaralan ang bawat galaw nila. Pag di kaya e, parang si Casper, biglang poof, wala na.

Meron ding kabobohang nagkatawang-tao. Di matuto-tuto. Ilang ulit mang turuan at talunin, di pa rin makuha kung paano. Naka-sanla yata ang utak. Kakambal nya yung clueless. Yung kahit hindi handa e sumasabak. Biglang malo-lost sa gitna ng laro. Parang tanga lang, tapos biglang magugulat. Ay sori, anong nangyari? Naglalaro pala tayo, hihihi.

Kung may magaling, mero ding nagmamagaling. Akala mo kung sino, olats din pala. Sila yung ex-kalaro mo. Kahit wala na sila sa laro, hihirit pa rin. Merong dakilang sulsol sa likuran. Panay ang turo sa iyo. Ay, tapon! Ay wag yan! Kung me mga know-it-all, meron ding nagtatanga-tangahan. Kakambal nila yung mga martir na ewan. Mga nagpapatalo ng sadya para manalo yung kabila..

Talo o panalo, iba-iba ang pagtanggap ng mga tao. Merong OA na iyakin, hayup kung maglupasay. Merong emo na parang warning ng MMDA: Bawal matalo, nagpapakamatay. Kung merong suicidal, merong papatay ng tao. Eto yung mga pikon na asar-talo.

Merong sobrang bitter na sasabihin ayaw maglaro, pero naiinis pag nag-eenjoy kayo. Gustong i-rewind ang nakaraan. Merong palaban, magwawala, hahamunin ang buhay, hahamunin kahit si Superman. Merong baliw. Tatawa ngayon, mamaya iiyak. Meron ding puro excuses. Lahat na lang may kasalanan. Lahat, kahit si God, susumbatan.

Speaking of God, merong mga akala mo araw-araw Linggo. Laging ke Lord ipinapaubaya ang buhay nya bilang talo. Kung merong relihiyoso, merong nananalangin ke Batman – bahala na raw. Pero siempre, meron namang ok lang. Get over, move on agad. Ganun talaga, dapat kalimutan. Parang underwear lang, kailangang palitan.

Sa mga nanalo, merong sobrang yabang. Todo balandra sa lahat ng nakuhang premyo. Meron namang denial king. Todo tanggi tong si Manong. O nanalo ka ba sa kanya? Ah, eh…friends lang kami!

Merong maingay maglaro. Parang lasing, panay ang kwento. Bawat pangit na baraha e ipagsisigawan sa mundo. Yung iba naman, swabe kung magtago. Chill, tahimik. Kunwari wala lang. Pero wag ka, panalo na pala si kupal.

Sa tong-its, maraming mas gusto ang one-on-one. Orayt ang setup, intimate, romantic. Lalo na kapag solo nyo ang mundo at tahimik. Yung iba e trip na maglaro mag-isa. Eto yung mga sobrang nasawi. Parang abnormal lang, sa isang sulok, kalaro ang sarili.

Pero madalas, di talaga maiiwasan na may ibang makikisali. Mas marami, mas hapi. Sa iba, fun at exciting ‘to. Andon yung thrill ng pagbibilang ng kalaro. Madalas nagiging sanhi to ng gulo. Nagkakasira ang barkada, nagtatalunan ang tropa.

Pero sabi nga ni Lola, kung for real ka, kahit ilan pa sila, dun ka pa rin sa paboritong kalaro mo. Maubos man ang mga epal sa mundo, siguradong andyan siya para sa  iyo.

Gaya ng ibang laro, marami ditong magulang. Merong mga sumalisi pag walang nakatingin. Meron ding maki-tag team sa iba nang palihim. Me nangungupit ng baryang taya, me naninilip kung mandaya. Pero ang pangkontra dito, e di tiwala. Kung me tiwala ka, matulog ka man, alam mong walang garapalan at dayaan.

Ang tong-its, nakaka-adik talaga. Simple, pero komplikado. Masaya na magulo. Nakakalibang, ubos-oras, gulat ka ilang years na, naglalaro ka pa. Kaya maraming nakiki-usyoso, nakiki-uso, nakiki-bisyo. Magkahalong sakit at sarap pag nananalo at natatalo.

Iba-ibang style, iba-ibang tao. May malas, me swerte. Mapa-lalaki o babae. Merong nagbibilang ng pagkatalo bago naging hapi ever after. Meron namang tumanda e dun pa rin  sa once upon a time na chapter.

Pero kahit ano pa yan, hapi pa rin dapat, win o lose. Sa isang sugal, di ka tataya, di ka talaga mananalo. At kung di ka maglalaro. Sabi nga, its the tong that counts. Play tong-its para iwas-pusoy.

Sali ka na kasi.

Ang New Year’s resolution ko ay hindi na ako gagawa pa ng anumang new year’s resolution.

*****

One of the things that I look forward to every time January 1 draws closer is the new year’s resolutions list. While I do wonder why people would wait for one long year in order to re-wire their lives, I don’t have other qualms in writing my own. Hey, it won’t hurt to follow this tradition and I don’t think anyone has ever died writing one (except perhaps if that person’s resolved to kill himself, but that’s another story).

Of course, I am well aware that this list is like a Philippine ballot form – it is not always counted and followed. I always thought that this grocery list of good deeds is akin to a celebrity to-do list; that is, the directory of celebrities you want to, hrm, do. It’s implausible, but you can always dream on. It is always a jackpot if you cross one out, but if you fail, well, there’s one whole year to try again.

So, why still bother making one if it’s nothing but a set of lies one writes in order to believe it himself? I believe this list is the materialization of one person’s persistent desire to go right despite going the other way. I know because I am a, hmm, successful failure in this trade.

The naysayer in me would have said that trying to change is hopeless, but the cynic optimist in me saw a small glimmer of chance. In order to circumvent this trend of broken promises, why not promise to… break your promise? Ok, think of reverse psychology. One person achieves his desired outcome by doing or saying opposite things to persuade the other person do just the opposite, which is the desired outcome. Applying this to the business of self-reformation, I might actually change myself by telling myself not to change! (Now that was confusing.)

So without further digression, let me divulge what grand plans I have for the year 2008.

*not in order of importance*

1.) I will procrastinate more often and for a longer time. Oh, my thesis will always be around the corner, waiting for my calls for intimate one-on-one affairs and nightly encounters. When the need wears out, I can always indulge myself in other more satisfying activities, like the sexy Playstation 2 or the equally alluring internet.

2.) I will brew more existentialist angst. Pondering on the pointlessness of my existence is not a bad idea. There are lots of things to think about, say, the futility of friendship transcending time, or the stupidity of believing in the promise of eternal love. I will entertain thoughts of the years I wasted in college while eating siomai (and at the same time think how come a stupid meatball has a purpose while I have none).

3.) I will continue to be a jack-of-all-trades and a master of none. I am pretty good in drawing but I can also write. I will try my hands on card magic even if I haven’t mastered pen spinning yet. And oh, I can leave my average cooking skills for a while because mixing cocktails looks fun. But hey, digital art looks more fun!

4.) I will always be scatterbrain and unfocused. Distractions make life entertaining, as they keep me away from the monotonous and clockwork flow of directional life.

5.) I will eat and eat until I become as big as a food delivery truck. True beauty is not determined by six-pack abs or six tubs of tummy fat. It lies within, yez.

6.) I will be a lazy blogger. No one reads my entries anyway. The quest for writing excellence through continued practice ceases the moment I start browsing other sites. So no point in maintaining my blogsite.

7.) I will not watch anymore movies. I do not want my streak of two years of not going to commercial theaters to be broken.

8.) I will sever my relations with my long-lost friends once and for all. So much for catching up and keeping constant communication. No more hi-and-bye’s/ meet-and-greets.

9.) I will not try to be a more understanding sibling and son. Go to hell, evil brother and sisters! I am the panganay so I can make away!

10.) I will be less handsome and lovable.

    Because I can’t do anything productive (again) and because lazybug bit me again, here I am posting another random nonsense. Let me share some of my words of wisdom to aspiring/amateur pro-crastinators out there. If you cannot will yourself to read, you can always try later.

(Disclaimer: If any of the following has already been said somewhere, it’s either a.) a weird coincidence that someone had the same thoughts as me; or b.) I have read it somewhere but I just couldn’t remember where or when or from whom. At any case, I don’t dare claim any of this. Procrastination, after all, is a universal thing. Wehe)

1. I am a daydreamer. That’s why I sleep during classes.

2. I am a very considerate student; I don’t snore when I sleep in class.

3. I am not procrastinating – I am just waiting for inspiration to hit me.

3.1 I am not procrastinating – I am just waiting for the right timing.

4. No one really died during deadlines.

5. Why do a thing later when you can do it… tomorrow?

6. Do you know that procrastination is very productive? I will tell you about it later.

7. I am post-modernist. I don’t follow the linear-structural-chronological way of things.

Seven lang. Weird number as usual. Now back to work, I mean, tomorrow’s work.

This is inane, insane, tasteless, impractical, ridiculous, indulgent, outrageous, and downright evil! A capitalist conspicuous consumption! A shameless and guiltless display of avarice! This!

24 drinks for 100+ peso cup of coffee. Dos mil para sa isang planner tangina…

Adik ako sa kape pero di ko maatim na gumastos ng malaki para sa ganyan… :/

*****

(photo taken from aboutmyrecovery.com)

Ang hirap talaga. Ang sakit. Ang saklap mawalan ng isang bagay na parte ng iyong pagkatao. Maiisip mo na lang kung gaano ito kahalaga sa pagkawala nito. Bigla mo na lang malalasahan ang tamis sa bawat pait na idinulot nito sa iyo. Pilit mong iniisip kung kaya pa bang ibalik ang lahat gayong sumisigaw sa iyong mukha ang malupit na kasagutan.

Sabado – ang araw na nasaksihan ng tadhana ang isang pagbabago sa aking buhay. Isang bagay ang nawala at ngayo’y isang piraso na lamang ng alaala. Nahahawakan ko pa rin subalit hindi ko na maibabalik. Sabado nang ang isang pangyayari ay iniwan akong hirap magsalita at bukas ang bibig – dahil nawalan ako ng ngipin. Hehe.

Sensya kung mukhang madrama ang artik na ito. Pers taym ko lang kasing mabunutan ng ngipin. At gaya ng lahat ng bagay na pers taym, mahalaga sa akin ito. At dapat ko itong isulat!

Perstaym kong mabunutan ng ngipin nung Saberday. Ito pa lang ang una kong karanasan sa isang operasyon, kung operasyon nga bang matatawag to. Wala pang doktor ang kumalkal ng aking mga laman-loob sa pagkakatanda ko, maliban siguro ron sa isang tag-init kung saan isang piraso ng balat ang tinanggal sa akin ng doktor para masabing binata na ako. Hehe.

Dehin ko naman talaga plano magpapabunot. Sinamahan ko lang ang utol ko para magpa-tsekap ng kanyang namamagang wisdom tooth. Naisip ko rin na di ko pa pala napapatsek ung pinastahan kong bagang. Kaya ayun, naumpisahan nang isulat ang isang pahina sa kwento ng buhay ko.

Pagdating sa dentista, agad kong nalaman ang masamang balita: bulok na si Pareng bagang. Dahil sumasakit siya kapag ngumunguya, ibig sabihin ay wala na siyang pag-asa. Dalawa lamang daw ang pwedeng solusyon: bunot o root canal. Nataranta ako. Shet, anong gagawin ko?

Agad kong itinanong sa utol ko kung anong dapat piliin. Mukha akong tanga nang tawanan ako ng ungas kong kapatid, na benteng ngipin na yata ang tinanggal sa bunganga. Ayun, nagkwento siya kung paano nya nasaksihan ang isang kahindik-hindik at katakot-takot na eksena kung saan nagpa-root canal ang isa naming pinsan. Agad kong naisip kung dapat nga ba akong dumaan sa sakit alang-alang sa pagiging kumpleto ng ngipin… Hay, ang hassle talaga mag-papogi.

Dahil dehin ako masokista, pinili ko ang bunot. Ako ay tumingin sa langit at ipinalangin ang kawawa kong bagang. Sana ay mapatawad nya ako sa pagpili ng euthanasia. Sumalangit nawa ang kanyang kaluluwa.

Ayun, umupo na ako sa sinumpang silya ng dentista. At walang sabi-sabing sinaksakan ako ng ineksyon sa apektado kong ngipin. Potah, halos maluha sa sakit ako doon pa lang. Nais kong sabihin na mababa ang tolerance ko sa sakit sa bandang ulunan. Kaya siguro dehin ako mag-bondage sex kahit alam kong kinky to. Hehe.

Anestisya pala ang itinurok sa bunganga ko. Nalaman ko yun dahil feeling ko e naging kasing-kapal ng biology book ang ngala-ngala at labi ko. Namanhid ang kaliwang parte ng bibig ko at shet tsong, hebigats pala ang feeling. Groovy. Alam ko na kung bakit marami rin ang naadik sa anestisya.

Makalipas ang sampung minuto, ibinaba ng dentista ang ulunan ng reclining chair. At parang eksena ng torture, kagyat na hinawakan ng assistant nya ang ulo ko habang nakabuka ang bibig ko. May hawak na bakal ang dentista na sa tingin ko sa mga oras na yun e pliers. Ipinasok nya iyon sa bibig ko at inipit ang bagang ko. Shet, tanginaaa.

Ilang saglit pa ay naramdaman ko kung paano pinilipit ng dentista ang aking ngipin. Akala ko dati ay mas metikoloso pa rito ang pag-bunot ng ngipin. Yung tipong dahan-dahang tinutungkab mula sa ugat. Pero dehin, dahil pakshet, parang nagtatanggal lang ng pako! Tas bigla me narinig ako na parang nababali, “Brak!” Punyemas, ano ang ginagawa sa akinnnnn.

Maya-maya pa ay may may isinuksok sa bibig ko. Bulak yata. Ewan. At sabi ng dentista… “‘Wag ka muna mag-mumog after 30 minutes.” Tapos na? Yun lang yun? Shet, kung tatakutin ako nang ganun, dapat sagarin na, di ba? Totohanin na! Ang olats naman nun, ang akala ko dati sa pagbubunot ng ngipin e yung tipong isang taong operasyon. Tas yung dentista at ang kanyang assistant ay hahalakhak na parang adik habang tuloy-tuloy ang pagdugo ng bibig ko. Pero, parang utot lang, umamoy lang saglit.

Pero syempre dyoks lang un. Nadismaya lang naman. Naisip ko na kung ikaw pala ay nagpepenitensya, ayos pala na mag-pabunot ka ng walang anestisya. Sa sakit siguro non, deretso ka agad sa langit.

Ayun. Hiningi ko ang bangkay ng aking yumaong ngipin. Souvenir ba. Nalinisan ko na sya pero dehin ko pa rin alam kung ilibing ko ba, cremate o i-preserve. Yung kaliwang bahagi ng bibig ko, ang weird ng pakiramdam. May espasyong nasasalat ang dila ko. Pakiramdam ko talaga ay nakulangan ako. Habang tinitingnan ko ang ngipin ko ay naalala ko ang ilang taong pinagsamahan namin. Pero sabi nga nila, we should never hold on to the past, much more to an extracted tooth. Kaya, paalam, ngipin! Sana ay masaya ka sa toothsyland.

Sino nga ba ang di nag-nanais matawag sa salitang toits? Ang pagiging seksi na yata ang isa sa mga biyaya – o sumpa, dependots sa pananaw mo – na inaasam ng isang lalaki o babae. Kaya todo na lang ang diyeta, workout, pills, at kung anu-ano pa para makuha ang mala-monay na six-pack abs o kaya ang Coke na figure. Effort sya, men, kung tutuusin. Buti na lang na-achieve ko na to. Hehe.

Pero bukod sa mala-Adonis kong katawan, ano pa ba ang seksi para sa akin? Ano ang mga bagay na sa tingin ko ay karapat-dapat tawaging seksi ni Pare?

1. Lower back. Ng babae, opkors. Winner talaga to para sa akin, tsong. Yung kurba mula likod ng tiyan hanggang puwitan. I am not a boob person (naks). Basta parang elliptical road ang likod ni Mare, panalo!

+ points: lower back tattoo.

2. Emo/Geek Glasses. Totoong emo ka man o dehin, basta ganito ang nakapatong sa mukha mo, asteg ka! Ewan ko kung bakit nahumaling ako salaming ganito estilo. Siguro dahil emo-emohan ako, o dahil geek ako na walang pambili ng salamin. Hehe.

+ points: black color and/or horned tip

3. Chuck Taylors. Kapag nakakita ako ng Chucks, halos magdeliryo ako sa excitement. Exaj. Pero swabe talaga ang Chucks kahit ano pa yan. Japeyks o orig, bago o luma, malinis o marumi. At kahit ano binabagayan: Maong+chucks, palda+chucks, bestida+chucks, o wedding gown+chucks – seksi pa rin si Mare.

+ points: customized – handpainted, patched, or slashed

4. Tattoo. Asteg na, seksi pa. Pero siempre depende rin sa tato. Trip kong parte ng katawan e ung bisig, shoulder blade, lower back (siempre), at sa bandang tagiliran ng tiyan. Huwag sa mukha dahil mukhang freak show. At lalong huwag Sigue-Sigue Sputnik o kaya Alpha Patay Gutom ang nakamarka dahil tatakbo ako.

+ points: tribal, exotic writing o yung swabe pagkakagawa.

5. Armlet. Basta nagising na lang ako isang araw, nagagandahan na ako sa mga may ganito.Yung dati kong klasmeyt na babae sa Creative Writing, ang nakapulupot ay… tinidor! Asteeg, creative ang konsepto. Wag lang siguro Magdalo armband, swak na.

+ points: wag lang red ribbon hehe

6. Rakistang Artista. Holi brokoli. I said it! Opo, dahil isa akong posero, isinasabuhay ko na lang ke Mare ang aking naudlot na pangarap. Stereotypical na rakistang getup, o dehin, basta ang passion mo e arts at music, asteg ka.

+ points: Chucks, maong, small shirt, mailman’s bag, maangas na hairstyle. Rakenrol!

7a Mazda 3 o kaya Mini Cooper. Oops, epal ko lang to kasi wala akong tsikot. Para makikisakay hehe.

7b British/Irish accent. Ang hot nito, lalo na kung kamukha ni Catherine Zeta-Jones o kaya Kate Beckingsale. Grabe. Kung ma-stranded ako sa isang island kasama ang isang English-accent-spokening chick, pede na sigurong pastime ang makinig araw-araw sa mga kwento nya.

+points: husky, bedroom, sexy radio voice

8. Chinita. Wehe. China eyes pa lang, gulaman na ang malanding tuhod ko. Thus explains my fascination for Korean chicks. Ok, pati pala Tsino at Haponesa. Kahit si Sadako ka pa, basta ngitian mo ako ng iyong mata, handa akong mamamatay nang maligaya. Shet, jjampong naman nito.

+ points: Yung chinitang mataray tingnan at tumingin.

9. Cooking Skills. Sabi nga, the best way to a man’s heart is through his chest with a knife, este, through his stomach. At ako ang magpapatunay nyan. Dahil handa akong mamatay ng impatso para ke Mare. Kaya nga kapag me nakikita akong chikabeybs, una kong reaksyon. “Waw, pwede. Marunong kaya siyang magluto?”

+ points: yung willing mag-share ng recipes at secrets

10. Brains. Ang baduy na nito, pero sabi nga, pinakaseksing parte ng katawan ni Mare ay ang utak. Ok lang sa akin kung Mensa member siya na may IQ 250 at iparamdam nya sa akin kung gaano ako katanga, basta mag-usap kami tungkol sa mga kaalaman sa mundo. Lalo na yung mga interesanteng paksa gaya ng arts, politics, history…at ok, sex. Hehe.

+ points: Brainy babe with interest in baduy stuff = the win!

Ayun lang naman. Kaya kung taglay mo ang karamihan sa mga katangiang yan e, pakipadala ang iyong resume sa aking email at magpaalam ka na sa iyong magulang.. dahil pakakasalan na kita. Wehe

Ang mga sumusunod ay produkto lamang ng aking utak. Lahat ng kalokohan at insulto ay malamang sinasadya.

1. Ayos ang resume ni Trillanes, winner ang mga titles: ex-Lieutenant, UP Public Admin grad, senator, hearthrob, coup plotter, five-star hotel connoiseur, almost-martyr.

2. Tuparin sana ang pangako kapag sinabi mong handa kang mamatay…

3. Kaya maraming nagalit na Pinoy ay dahil nabitin sila. Sa soap opera kasi, me drama at aksyon, pero merong ding namamatay.

4. Sana tsinek muna kung ano ang panahon bago nag-kudeta. Pramis, tumatama na ang PAG-ASA.

5. Kung magkudeta ka at tinanong ka sa mga plano mo, sabihin mo lang: “Whatever”.

6. Inurong nila ung kudeta kasi maraming masasaktan. E bakit pa nila ginawa kung ganun?

7. Tsinek ba ng mga sekyu ung trunk nung APC bago ito pumasok?

8. Hotel attendant: What can I do for you, sir?
Trillanes: We will launch a coup d’etat. I want some Bordieux wine and truffle clubhouse. Please charge it to Ms. Arroyo.

9. Ang losyang pala ni Pinky Webb at Ces Drilon kapag haggard. Pero crush pa rin.

10. “HANDA KAMING MAMATAY PARA SA PINAGLALABAN NAMIN!!! …shet, tear gas! SUKO NA KAMI!! Joklang un!”

11. Ilang milyon kaya naluge sa Kapuso at Kapamilya dahil di sila nag-commercial?

12. Nganaman. Nov 29 sila nag-kudeta kasi Nov. 30 ay Bonifacio Day. Magdiwang si Ka Andres, Magdalo, si Aguinaldo yun.

13. Ang soundtrack para sa standoff: Oops, I Did It Again.

14. Si General Lim ay susulat na ng libro tungkol sa kudeta: Kudeta, The Filipino Style: Try and try but don’t die.

15. Naawa ako ke Guingona, pinagmartsa nang malayo, naulanan, na-teargas, at nagsalita pa sa media.

16. Kung sa Divisoria sila nag-kudeta, tiyak maraming tao.

17. “Dissent without action is dissent.” ani General Lim. “Coup without plan is kukurukuku”, ani ng taumbayan.

18. Ang hirap maging Ayala ngayon. Sumabog na ang Glorietta, nagkudeta pa sa Ayala avenue.

19. Nasa balat na ng kasaysayan ang Manila Pen. Angas, di ba?

20. Miliyon-peso question: Sino ang lalaking naka-wig?

Ang hiwaga ng buwan. Ang ganda ng araw. Ito at iba pang simple pero asteg na kaligayahan sa blog ni pareng Diwa.

“We are mesmerized by the silent spectacle of the setting sun. We are awed by the tranquil radiance of the full moon. We are spellbound as we make our wish whenever the quiet beauty of the falling star appears in the sky…”

(more)

I need a new sport.

The last time I did something sports-like was when I drubbed my AI opponents in Madden 08 in my Playstation 2. But before I could score more touchdowns, thesis came knocking on my door and forced me to put my football career on hold. Also, the DVD of that game had just barely met my console unit when it broke down. Say NO to piracy!

But that was few months and few pounds ago. I still haven’t played any real sports, thanks mainly for lack of opportunities. Thankfully, the accursed CRS gave me a slot in PE basketball, so maybe that’s a good start to shed these ugly flabs that keep on adding on my idle body.

The last time I looked slimmer was when I was still a stupid high school student. Seven years later, my waistline has long overtaken my age and already on its way to early thirties. I really hope that it won’t get to middle age before I do.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not trying to be a teenage girl bitching about gaining weight – ok, about getting fat. I am way past that stage, and if there’s anything I should worry about, it is not about girls not liking the big me, but about me not liking me.

I have nothing against fat, or plump, or to be less derogatory, chubby, people. I sincerely believe that physical looks is a non-factor when it comes to starting relationships. Ok, it may be at first, but in the long run, what matters is the personality; the heart, mind and soul of that person, never mind the body. And guess who have bigger hearts but them big peeps.

It doesn’t help that when a friend comes around, he/she says without ado “Uy, nananaba tayo ah!” Others are more subtle but just as rude nonetheless: “Uy, ano bang kinakain natin?” If it is not for our friendship, it will be big revolution then and there.

I don’t like me tipping the scales one pound too much because I don’t really like it. I mean, unless I add a foot or two to my height, I look… disproportionate. Ok, this may sound OA than the bitchy girl, but for someone who likes to draw human anatomy, I really value proportion. As I see it, if I will allow my tummy to mutate further, I will look like siopao with limbs. Sure, small plump things are widdledy cuddledy cute, but I am not cute. So until such time when growth hormones are being sold like candies, I must find ways to trim this unwanted gut feeling.

Diet is not in my dictionary. I would rather die of exhaustion playing sports than die of starvation. I doubt if I can keep up with the by-the-numbers discipline of this weight-loss method (only 20 calories per this every 6:00 pm, 10 for that, etc… hey, I did not buy those food for math lessons!) Sure, there are various diet regimen, but who wants to eat weird grasses and leaves with nothing more than salt, arranged this way and that, and tossed thousand times? Not me – I live to eat. My mission in life is to embark on a gastronomic adventure to taste all of the world’s cuisines. Also, with so much hunger around us, any diet is a stupid thing. So eat and eat.

Liposuction. Aerobics. Gym. Pills. Nah, don’t have the money to burn.

So I’m back to sports. One sport that I like and I can do is basketball, which is why I am glad I got a slot in PE. Although the past meetings revealed how important continuous practice is; I cannot run, I cannot jump. Heck, I cannot even dribble the ball. I lack practice so much that my limbs are welded at the joints. It will be a double turnover if I injure myself without even starting.

(Oh yeah, another physical activity that comes to mind is the big S – sex. There have been various claims that sex burns lots of calories. Although I have yet to see a medical study to provide the confirmation and the supporting data, the idea itself is already enticing . Getting laid, of course, is another predicament. But that’s another story.)

Of course I am just making excuses. If I really wanted to work out, it would not be a problem. I am just plain lazy. But this is exactly why I dislike me going biggie. Every inch of bilbil equates to an hour of loafing around. And I hate doing the math.

Damn. I have a big problem.

    Students! Throw away your books! You can include your sputtering pens and unused notebooks! Just bring yourself and perhaps one of life’s basic necessities: instant noodles. Or whatever. Heed my call! Together, we shall march our tattered Chuck Taylors and slippers to wherever our uncorrupted intellect may take us. For we are about to embark on this lifelong struggle for a society that our jovial, freedom-loving, and individualistic societal designation – the student body – has so badly longed for: a classless society.

    Tama mga iskulmeyts, isang lipunang walang klase!

And in light of these pronouncements, let me present my treatises why we should skip classes altogether and frolic someplace else with the consenting members of the opposite sex. While the majority of it maybe personal, I do believe that many of you feel that same weight on my back that our older kindred has so unjustly derided as laziness. Injustice, my test cheatmates, injustice!

So please indulge me some of your inordinate attention, for I won’t be worthy of it once we achieve this sought-after success which we spent the majority of our classroom life daydreaming about.

1. The school is but another instrument of the state in order to perpetuate the existing dominant ideology. The pursuit of superficial achievements like A’s, unos, and teacher’s praises are the ideological gordian knots that we can’t untie. And these cater to the whims of those elite snotty grade-conscious geeks! I dare say we cut it to free ourselves. Right, cut the ties that bind! Cutting-classes!

2. The professors are state police disguised as old grumpy terror teachers. Indeed, the very description doesn’t escape our critical eyes – they are terror profs! Born, created, trained, and machinated to sow terror unto the unwilling minds of students, causing them sleepless nights and zombified looks. Why? Thesis, term papers and other requirements, that’s why! And haven’t you noticed how *name of your prof* looks very much like a politician? Some of them might even be murderous aliens from the galactic outskirts.

3. Our parents are willing accomplices in this conspiracy. You noticed how our allowances are just barely enough for food and transportation fees? Because having extra moolah will tempt us to exercise that little power for recreation (and maybe procreation). Break free from this financial hegemony!

4. Environmental protection. Test papers only add up to the already-growing mountains of waste. Just think of the next generation’s welfare. No test papers, no trees cut, one healthy earth. Happy!

5. Expanded Economic Growth through Consumer Buying. Capitalist as it may sound, but we don’t have the luxury of options to save this country. Imagine the remarkable and unprecedented growth of the Philippine economy not seen since the Stone Age if we students will embark on days-long shopping spree. The hours of being cooped inside the room can be productively turned into hours of spending. The student-led consumer spending will encourage investments which will in turn bring economic prosperity. Be a responsible citizen. The fate of the country is in our hands. Spend now!

6. The threat of terrorism. Terrorism knows no boundaries. Who knows, some heartbroken suicidal classmate might try to assuage his depression by eating truckloads of camote, onions, beans and Coca-Cola, and then do thousand sit-ups inside our canteen – where we are miserably spending our school-imposed 30-minute break. There right beside us is a weapon of mass destruction waiting to explode. See? The higher order’s futile attempt to brainwash is putting us more in danger. Public places like school are potential targets. We are better off inside our houses (or in a lover’s bed).

7. Global Warming. Our crusade’s success will be nothing but a pyrrhic one if we won’t have any earth to go to. The planet is in grave danger of apocalyptic annihilation if it continues to heat up like siopao left inside the steamer. One study shows that city congestion abets this doomsday. Carbon dioxide from our breath and noxious fumes from the vehicles we use commute to school adds more fuel to this impending hell. Save the earth!

8. The television and the Internet are the new fountains of knowledge. The knowledge we seek cannot be found inside the restrictive confines of the state-run classrooms. It can only be found outside and paradoxically, inside our houses – right there on our table and desktops. The internet is the cornucopia, the Bible, the Holy Grail, and the Rosetta Stone of all mortal knowledge. There’s no porn inside the classroom, my sensuous comrades!

9. Establish a socialist society. I have always been an ardent supporter of socialism. That’s right, my brethren, a classless socialist society. Wala ng klase, para sosyalan na lang!

10. Your love isn’t available for a date because of hectic academic schedule. Ah, injustices of all injustices! A flower of love blooming inside the barren grounds of the campus is but a futile attempt in emotional agronomics . It’s a story with a foregone conclusion bereft of any romantic narration of critical details that only precious moments of being together can provide. Make love, not war. And not inside the classroom.

These, my despondent comrades shackled by this oppressive school run by an old unmarried virgin principal, are my treatises. We march forward and never shall we turn back. As some crazy smelly-looking bearded German guy once said: Students of the world, unite! For we have nothing to lose but our grades!

**********
From my book (kuno): Rationalizing Laziness: I aint Procrastinating, I am Waiting for Inspiration. (Volume 1)

(The Inday fever and the bleary prospect of a thesis-life have made me write this. Be thankful. )